Explanations

Shalom, friends.

I suppose this is the part where I explain myself and go through what this is all about. My reasons for placing my thoughts where other people can see them are varied, but this seems to be the dominant purpose: I best articulate my thoughts through writing. I know that everyone who reads this and has talked with me in person knows that my spoken words are not the perfect vessels that other people are gifted with, and my memory escapes me quite frequently. I have discovered that through writing out my thoughts and taking time to think about what I really want to say, I can better communicate what is actually going on in my head. I hope this is not seen as a selfish endeavor to gain attention, but rather a gesture of openness from my life to yours (and hopefully, the other way around as well).

I've realized that my life is changing dramatically again this semester. Having a solid group of guys that I can trust and be encouraged and be uplifted (and rebuked) by is really something that I have never had before in my life. They have taught me so many things, whether it's how to have a better ping-pong game or read my bible more often or a conversation that lasts for 4 hours just talking about what we really see in our lives. I look forward to next year, when we are all living together.

I have also found a wonderful source of conversation in these past weeks: my family. The talks we've had about our changing lives are so totally different than the words we spoke when I was still living at home. I find new things to think about every time they drop me off here or hang up the phone. This new stint of conversation seems to mirror the change in the rest of my life and makes me think that someday I actually will grow up. Not yet, but I'm getting there.

And finally, my relationship with my girlfriend Lauren has also changed dramatically over the course of this year, and even over the few weeks that I've been back at school this semester. With the fact that she is still at home while I'm away at school having new experiences, it's been hard for both of us to adjust to the new circumstances. However, I definitely think that we have both grown and become more mature in relation to each other through this separation. She's a big part of my life as well, so you'll hear a lot about her as well as my friends and my family.

Overall, I think the largest source of change in my life since I've come to college at Wheaton is my relationship with Jesus. Honestly, there wasn't much to speak about for the years I was in high school. I had developed a mentality that I was "saved," so I didn't have to do much except talk about it, pray well in front of a group, and keep up appearances. Because I had prayed "The Prayer" (you know, the one that you pray and get your ticket into heaven with), I was set for life and could do whatever I wanted and sort of take life as it came. Since I've been here, I have seen things differently. I don't think I was ever told right out that my previous thinking was flawed, but I could see something different in the actions and lives of the people I began to look up to here at school. Also, since I have started to read some of Brian McLaren's books, along with Shane Claiborne and others, I realized that I need to redevelop my view of everything. I've realized that everything must change in the way I think about God and people in order for me to truly love God and love people. As of right now, the words that I need to further explain myself are escaping me, so I will sum up by saying that I know I need God to mold my view of Him and His creation into something different than the lukewarm, apathetic version I've stuck with throughout high school, and I am trying to figure out what to do after that happens.

Well, that was long-winded. Hope I didn't frighten you off. See you later.

Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly, seek arête.
-Caleb-